Long Distance Relationships
Long distance relationships
are dreadful. I know this because I'm currently
living one. You watch other couples walk down
the street hand-in-hand, kissing, etc., everyday
and you can't do anything but envy them. So how
can a long distance relationship work? How can
you keep on loving someone if you can't even see
The answer is...it depends on how much you want
it to work. True love can overcome any odds thrown
in its path if you want it bad enough. So the
question is, how do you do it? Well, I do not
think that anyone knows exactly how to make it
work, but I can certainly provide some points
on making it work.
1. COMMUNICATION is the key.
In every relationship, whether near or far, if
communication is taken for granted, it can cause
the relationship to quiver until it eventually
dies a natural death. That's why in any given
circumstance, communication has to be given utmost
importance. There are so many available media
to ensure that the communication stays open. From
snail mails and phone calls to chat systems and
e-mails or e-cards. These media can be effective
means to convey your hearts desires to your loved
ones. Let them know about what you've been doing
and thinking because in that way they will feel
like they are there with you. This will also help
you feel close even though you are miles apart.
2. Send off CARE PACKAGES.
It can be anything -- a little gift of flowers;
a collection of the letters he has sent you designed
artistically into a scrapbook; or your sweetheart's
favorite jewelry -- it's really only limited to
your imagination. Engaging yourself in this way
is beneficial for both of you. You get to concentrate
on gathering these items and putting them together,
thus keeping your mind off not being together
to a certain extent. Your loved one will see how
much effort you put into it and how much you care.
Even if it is nothing more than a card,it shows
they mean enough to you that you can take the
time to let them know. It never takes much money
to show a little love with a small gift. Trust
me, it can melt a heart!
3. Keep yourself BUSY.
You couldn't just sit there and wait 'til he comes
back to you. What if he doesn't come back at all
and all you did was sit and get your tummy flabby,
won't that make you just miserable? You won't
just be stunting your growth as an individual
in the process but you'd also be developing emotional
insecurities. In order to avoid that, you have
to focus yourself on other things while waiting.
Try to identify your passions. Get in touch with
your creative nature. If you are a homebody, you
can read tons of books which can help you grow
intellectually and emotionally or you can choose
to lounge before your computer and surf for hours
to learn invaluable things over the internet.
It's an endless "ways-to-make-yourself-busy" list
and it is up to you to decide whichever you're
interested to get involved in. But remember, being
"busy" is not an excuse to forget your "special
days" and worse yet, your loved one. You're doing
it not just to occupy yourself but also to allow
yourself to grow even with your lover's absence.
4. HONESTY is the best policy.
The path to true intimacy and connection especially
in a long distance relationship is through "total
honesty" to each other in the fullest sense of
the words. By being authentic and telling your
full truth to your loved one about your thoughts,
feelings, needs, wants, issues, boundaries, etc.,
you are gradually building up a zone of confidence
and comfort for both of you. This is very essential
if you want your relationship to really last.
Seeking to avoid conflict and maintain harmony
by censoring yourself can work for a while but
it won't take much time until your suppressed
truth comes out in other ways, such as withdrawal,
resentment, "acting out," etc. I know, sometimes,
telling your whole truth can be difficult and
even scary, but it will result in the kind of
relationship that you really want-- a relationship
where all the cards are laid in the table.
5. The value of TRUST
Trust is a very fundamental aspect in any relationship.
That is because having trust in a relationship
takes away doubt. When you trust someone you never
have to question their motivation about anything
and with mutual trust that relationship is solid.
You must learn to be true to the relationship
and must never give way to insecurities, strange
feelings, suspicions and quick impulses because
these will only bring your relationship down.
Don't push away negative comments, or advice.
Just trust in yourself and your partner. If you
two are true to each other and have no hidden
motives then you'll be alright. Remember "Love
6. COMMITMENT is a habit not an achievement
In every relationship, it is a must to be able
to learn how to commit and be committed. For most
long distance relationships, the very reason why
they fail is because both parties couldn't go
on with the commitment and they feel too weak
to withstand the tribulations of time.If you have
committed yourselves to each other without shilly-shallying,
then you have a good promise ahead of you.Your
comitment to each other will keep the passion
alive and the fires burning thus sustaining the
growth of the relationship.
7. PATIENCE is a virtue.
Being in a long distance relationship requires
being steadfast and persevering. If you aren't
this kind of person and you're involved in a long
distance relationship, then as much as now, you
better try to learn to be patient. Focus your
attention on all the positive aspects of the relationship
and never give your hopes up. Showing that you
value your partner and the relationship and that
you are willing to work patiently through it will
let them know you truly love them.
This is applicable only for those who have the
comfort of having their own personal computers
at home.But for those who don't, there are computers-for-rent
in cafe's with webcams already attached to the
computer system. Having a webcam is actually very
fun and exciting. Even if you aren't together
but looking at each other's face in the broad
screen makes you feel like you're just so close,
so near to your loved one. My boyfriend and I
use Yahoo messenger to express our emotions with
smileys and it's melting my heart to see him smile
in the cam when he gets my messages.
9. Make special occasions SPECIAL.
It is not everyday that a special day comes so
when it does, it must be celebrated no matter
how far apart you are. When I speak of special
occasions, I mean birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas,
New Year and Valentine's Day. During these occasions,
you can plan out some heavy-duty phone call or
an extended online time for the evening. Regardless
of whether you talk every night or a couple times
a week, be sure you both carve out some time for
that particular night. If you're too stingy to
settle on a lengthy phone call, but have cheap
and unlimited online access, plan to send instant
messages to each other or meet in a private chatroom
somewhere. If you can't be together, at least
you can be "talking" and "spending some private
10. ENJOY LIFE!
Not because your loved one is away, it doesn't
mean that your "life" is taken away with him as
he sets on for greener pastures. You have your
own life to live and you must live it up to the
purpose you were created for, with or without
your loved one.Anyway, we have our family and
friends. What are these social beings surrounding
us created for anyway?
Remember,there are definite hardships associated
with this relationship style but it is important
that those who thrive in a long distance relationship
see the suffering, difficulties, distance and
time as tools in cultivating their love and rearing
up the maturity in their relationship. The best
you can do is to strive to be the best of who
you are as a person while your partner is away
so that when he comes back to you, you are already
a full-grown individual whom he will love even
more and be more proud of more than ever! For
now, just be happy in knowing that across the
miles there is someone who thinks you are so special,
they are willing to engage in a terrible thing
such as a long distance relationship. Keep in
mind that your suffering is not forever since
your loved one will be back soon and when that
time comes, everything will be much sweeter than
it was back then.
Rachelle Arlin Credo is an entrepreneur and relationship
coach. She also works as an image consultant and
part-time writer. Her stories, articles, essays
and poetry have been published in various magazines
and online publications.