Online Dating Mistakes
Online dating is fascinating.
You can meet thousands of available singles that
are literally just a click away, seeking love,
romance, dating, marriage, friendship – and yes,
of course sex. Men and women alike join dating
services hoping to make new friends and start
But there are some common mistakes ALL people
make when using Internet personals – including
Here are ten common mistakes all people make when
dating online. Check out if you are guilty of
some of them.
MISTAKE #1 - “Giving it a try”Most people
start using online personals with the attitude
“Let me give it a try and see where it goes”.
They don’t really think they WILL meet someone
– they only HOPE to meet someone. What is the
difference? When you “hope” to succeed, you don’t
try hard enough – if it works, great, if it does
not work, fine, at least I’ve tried. When you
think you “will” meet someone, and it does not
work, you change something in your approach to
online dating to get the results you want.
BOTTOM LINE: Don’t “give it a try” – do your best.
MISTAKE #2 - Hoping “the right person will
find you”Most people don’t pay when post their
profiles on online dating sites, which usually
means they can receive letters but cannot answer
ads of other members. They hope people will be
writing to them. If you are an 18-year-old model-type
girl, this may work for you. But if you are not,
then you shouldn’t hope your dream partner would
email you out of blue. You will get much better
results if pay for premium membership to the dating
site and write to people yourself.
BOTTOM LINE: Contact other people; don’t wait
for them to contact you.
MISTAKE #3 - Sending one-linersIt’s amazing
how many people using online personals send letters
of the type “Hi, liked your profile, please see
my profile”. If your photo does not impress the
other person in an instant, most likely they will
just delete your email. Some *might* actually
read your profile – and if there is nothing in
your profile that impresses them in an instant,
then they will also just delete your email.
BOTTOM LINE: Write letters that have some substance
MISTAKE #4 - Sending form lettersI always
know when I receive a form letter - always! I
am sure you know it too. If there are no personal
references in the letter, I know this letter was
not written specially for me. No one wants to
be one of the crowd. Every person wants to be
BOTTOM LINE: Write individual letters for each
person you contact.
MISTAKE #5 - Writing boring lettersMany people
are guilty of this one. They write about things
they want to say and not what the other person
wants to hear.The result: letters that are plain
BORING.Remember: it’s not about YOU – it’s about
THEM! Tell them what you liked about their profile
so much that you decided to write to them. Some
things may be uncertain in their profiles – ask
questions and guess the answers. For example,
she ticked “Tell you later” in her profile about
kids – if she did not have any kids, she would
say so. Ask if she has kids and tell her you think
she does and that you just love kiddies. A person
who actually THINKS and what more – thinks ABOUT
HER, it’s indeed something special, and your letter
is sure to get noticed. Don’t talk much about
yourself in your letter (she can always read your
profile) - tell her why you think you will be
the right guy for HER. If you do not fit her requirements
100%, tell her why it won’t be a problem. You
pride yourself as having great sense of humor?
Back up your claim – make her laugh! From the
first line, your letter should grab her attention
and she should not be able to stop reading till
the end. THEN she will be certainly compelled
to check your profile on the Internet personals
BOTTOM LINE: Write interesting letters – the type
of letters you would like to receive.
MISTAKE #6 - Contacting dozens of members
at onceOnce people pay for their premium membership
to the online dating site, they tend to contact
dozens of members at once. The reason for that
is that they don’t hope to receive much response.
STOP for a minute: what are you actually looking
for? Most of us are interested to start a relationship
with someone special. In fact, all you need is
only one person – but the one who is RIGHT for
you. Do you really want to correspond with 50
people at a time? Spend more time reading profiles
on the site, and then select a precious few that
you like the most and write to them. Make sure
you get responses from your favorites before contacting
BOTTOM LINE: Don’t contact dozens of people at
once – concentrate on the ones you like the most.
MISTAKE #7 - Not following upLet’s face
it: we live in a fast-paced world. We tell people
“Let’s get together soon” and forget it in an
instant. We send an email, never get a response
and lose the contact forever. This is extremely
important when using Internet personals: if you
do not get a response, follow up. Send another
email. Tell them you are waiting for an answer
and you want to hear from them even if they are
NOT interested. Having somebody who is really
interested in you is not very common nowadays.
This very fact may convince people to answer you.
Check if they are premium members. If they are
not, they might have to pay the membership fee
before they are allowed to answer your email,
and this is the reason why they did not respond.
Check the rules of the website before assuming
they are not interested.
BOTTOM LINE: Follow up. Make sure there are no
technical problems averting your contact.
MISTAKE #8 - Not having a photo in your
profileIf you don’t have a picture in your profile,
you are missing out on people’s attention great
deal. Many great singles, men and women alike,
NEVER answer mails from members without photos
– leave alone writing to them. If you are concerned
about privacy, take a photo where you are in the
distance and hardly recognizable, or put on sunglasses.
Smiling broadly also changes your face.
BOTTOM LINE: Put a photo in your profile. This
is proven to increase your chances up to 10 times.
MISTAKE #9 - Bad body language on the photosWhen
people look at your photos, they try to figure
out what kind of person you are. If you cross
your arms of legs, or in any other way “cover”
your body on the photos, placing a barrier between
you and the viewer, you make them think you are
timid, insecure and lack confidence. Use open
body language - open palms, arms on the sides
of your body – never “covering” it, smile and
“look” the viewers in the eyes.
BOTTOM LINE: Check your body language – people
make their opinion about your personality by looking
at your photos.
MISTAKE #10 - Giving upYou’ve tried this and
that and nothing worked, so you give up: “Internet
dating just doesn’t work for me”. That’s the biggest
mistake of all. What you should do is to use your
negative experience and learn WHY it did not work.
Look at profiles of other people that attracted
you and compare it with your own profile. Try
to change your wording. Get a new photo with a
happy smile. Try to contact somebody you feel
nothing about and see how it goes. Maybe you are
just trying too hard? Treat your search for a
partner as you would treat the search for a new
job: if at first you don’t succeed, try and try
again. Make it your habit to check new listings
every day and write to one person. See what works
and use it again. Borrow ideas from other people.
Just don’t give up!
BOTTOM LINE: Online dating works. All you need
to do is to gain experience. Practice makes perfect.
Your special person is waiting for you!
Elena Solomon works in online
dating since the early days of WWW. She is the
exclusive dating consultant of Soulmades.com.au
– Internet personals for singles seeking love,
romance, relationships and fun.